7 Meaningful Ways to Support Someone Who Is Grieving
When someone you love is grieving, it can be hard to know what to say or do. You may want to ease the pain, offer hope, or find the perfect words, but grief is not a problem that another person can solve.
In this episode of the Believe Big Podcast, Jason and Lindsay Swain share candid wisdom about loss, lament, friendship, and faith. Their conversation offers a compassionate reminder: meaningful grief support is often less about having the right answer and more about showing up with humility, presence, and practical care.
Here are seven thoughtful ways to support someone who is grieving, drawn from their conversation with Ivelisse Page.
1. Say less—and be present
People often speak because silence feels uncomfortable. Yet an attempt to explain suffering, defend God, quote a verse too quickly, or make the situation feel better can land as distant or uncaring. Jason’s advice is simple: say less.
You do not need to remove the pain. You can acknowledge it. A sincere statement such as, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here and I love you,” can offer more comfort than a polished answer.
2. Validate the grief instead of trying to fix it
A grieving person does not need to be talked out of sorrow. Jason encourages supporters to validate grief, pain, and loss rather than trying to make the person feel better. This creates room for honesty and communicates that their experience is seen.
Avoiding the subject may feel protective, but Jason explains that mentioning the loss can actually tell the grieving person, “I see you.” The sadness is already present; compassionate acknowledgment does not create it.
3. Let their story remain their story
Sharing a similar story can seem like a way to connect, but Lindsay notes that it may unintentionally place the grieving person in the role of listening to, or even caring for, the supporter. Especially early in grief, resist the urge to compare their loss with something that happened to you, a relative, or a friend.
Empathy makes space for a person’s unique experience. You can say, “I’m so sorry,” “I care,” or “I can’t imagine what this is like for you” without claiming to fully understand.
4. Avoid phrases that minimize or replace the person who was lost
Comments such as “time heals” or “you’ll have more children” may be well intended, but they can minimize the depth and uniqueness of a loss. Lindsay explains that even though she later had four more daughters, no one replaces the person who died.
Grief is not a vacancy that another relationship, milestone, or passing year can simply fill. Honor the person who was lost and the individual path of the person grieving.
5. Offer specific, practical help
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do” sounds generous, but it places another decision on someone who may be trying to survive the next hour. Jason encourages people to notice a need and act: bring milk, mow the lawn, or handle another ordinary task that has become overwhelming.
Ivelisse shares an example from author Kim Hamer: a neighbor offered to take care of a widow’s oil change. He made the process easy—she only had to leave her keys in his mailbox—and returned the car fueled and washed. The gift was not only the completed task; it was relief from having to plan, ask, talk, or perform gratitude in the moment.
6. Help create safe places for honest lament
Grief can include anger, disappointment, confusion, and questions about God. Jason says faith can suffer when lament is missing because people bury what they are afraid to bring honestly to God. The lament Psalms offer language for crying out, voicing complaint, and moving toward worship while still holding the tension between hard circumstances and hope.
For Christians who worry that lament is wrong, the conversation offers reassurance: grief and hope do not have to be mutually exclusive. Honest sorrow can coexist with trust.
7. Stay close through both sorrow and hope
Lindsay describes being met by God in the depth of sorrow, anger, and raw emotion. By allowing herself to feel those difficult emotions and ask hard questions, she says her faith became stronger. She could experience joy and sorrow at the same time.
Support does not require rushing someone toward celebration. It can mean staying present in the dark place while gently holding hope. Trusted friends, counselors, pastors, and people with similar experiences can become essential companions when grief feels especially raw.
What can you say to someone who is grieving?
If you are worried about saying the wrong thing, keep your words honest and simple:
- “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here and I love you.”
- “I’m so sorry.”
- “I care about you.”
- “I can’t imagine what this is like for you.”
- “I see what needs to be done, and I’d like to take care of it.”
Presence matters more than perfection. Listen without comparing, acknowledge the pain, and choose a practical act of love when you can.
Faith, grief, and the permission to lament
The episode’s central spiritual insight is that lament makes room for both grief and hope. Jason points listeners toward the lament Psalms and describes their movement from crying out and complaint toward worship. Lindsay adds that honest questions did not destroy her faith; they became part of a deeper trust.
Life can be beautiful and broken at the same time. For those walking through loss—and for the people who love them, healing support begins with the courage to remain present in that tension.
Listen and share: Hear the full Believe Big Podcast conversation with Jason and Lindsay Swain for more on grief, lament, faith, and compassionate support.
Connect with Jason and Lindsay Swain at Two Rivers Church:
https://tworiverschurchfc.com/
Suggested Resource Links:
- Two Rivers Church – About page
- Jason’s Lament sermon series
- Believe Big podcast with Kim Hamer: 100 Acts of Love
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